Hey Travel Family,
Is anybody else really tired and keen to sleep until 2019? Show of hands? Anyone?! I hate to sound like a broken record but my goodness, I’m just so tired. These last few months of the year are kicking my butt. You might remember I wrote a TW a little while ago where I was talking about regathering my strength with some stuff going on in my personal life this year. I wrote about not being afraid of the storm being levelled against me because I am the storm. All of that still stands, all of that is still true and at that moment I found a strength I didn’t know I had to stand up against something very tough.
But I believe you can be strong but still be tired… if that makes sense? It has been a very testing year for me and I’ve been fighting really hard in my personal life. There’s been a lot of difficulties on multiple fronts and there’s been a lot asked of me by a lot of people. Right now, I’m just tired. It has been a hard week for me for that reason – my body and my mind are just tired and I need to rest and, you know what, that’s okay. It doesn’t make a person weak or defeated, it is what it is and I’m glad I’m able to recognise it and take the time to allow myself to feel tired.
Little Grey Box is something I love and very personal to me. When I write anything on the website, film a video or share something on Instagram, I put a piece of myself in it. It requires my energy to put my own little bit of sparkle on it and share it. At the moment, I’m just so exhausted it’s hard for me to do that. I’ve been trying to scale back a little over the last few weeks to take care of myself but it doesn’t seem to be working for some reason. In fact, this week got even harder for me and I’ve found it near impossible to scrounge up the energy to write or create.
The good thing about it is I know it’s cyclical! Life is like that sometimes – there are times when things come to us easily, everything just falls into place and we have endless energy each day. Other times, things are more challenging, we’re tired and exhausted and just need a whole lot of downtime. Neither of them is permanent; not the easy times and not the hard times. Which is why it’s so important to be present and make the most of the easy times and be mindful and remember the hard times aren’t forever either.
With something like this, it takes me a while to figure out what’s going on. I’ve mentioned it before but journalling really helps me figure my shit out. I mean, how can you begin to work on improving something if you don’t understand what it is that needs improving, right?! So, right now, I’m in the figuring it out phase. I have a decent idea of what some of the stuff causing me to be so tired is and, honestly, some of it simply cannot be changed. I try to live by the old, ‘Accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can’t accept,’ mantra. In this case, some things can’t be changed so, instead, I’m working on figuring out what’s a drain to me at the moment and change those things instead.
I have a bad habit of not acknowledging what’s going on. It’s like I see myself as this person who can just take on more and more and more without feeling anything so I just keep going. I’m not sure if that makes sense so I’ll try and explain it another way. I think I look after other people better than I look out for myself. If a friend were in my position right now, I’d be saying stuff like, “Oh love, you’ve taken on so much, no wonder you’re exhausted,” but because it’s me, I say to myself, “You’re fine! This is nothing. Keep going, kid!” Anybody else do that?!
Anyway, all of this is my long-winded way of saying I’m just super tired at the moment. That puts a bit of fear in me because there’s nobody else to swoop in and run my business for me while I rest so I either have to keep pushing through anyway, which will drain me more, or scale back a bit and hope for the best. I’m not quite sure what to do there – I’m hoping if I just ignore them, that problem will just go away or I’ll eventually figure it out hahaha Amazing denial, right?!
Either way, everything will be okay. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that things are never as bad as they seem and our fears are just that – fears. Like I said, all of this is cyclical and once my mind has figured out what needs to happen and I’m able to rest and recharge properly, everything will level out again. In the meantime, I really do need to stop being so pushy toward myself and do whatever it is I need to get myself full of energy again!
With that in mind, I’m going to sign off for this week. I’ve got a big weekend of recharging ahead of me! If you’ve been feeling a bit of an end-of-year energy slump too, make sure you take care of yourself as well. Be sure to do whatever it is you need to top yourself back up with love and energy – especially if that involves movie marathons and chocolate.
I hope you have a lovely weekend and I’ll update you next Friday.
Love, Phoebe xx