When in doubt…

On Friday last week, I woke up filled with doubt. I don’t know what took over me, I think it was a combination of some weird dreams I’d had and spending too much time looking at the internet. Whatever it was, it totally took over.

So many doubts swirled through my mind, mostly about my abilities and my success. I’m really open about sharing my thoughts with you guys and I’d say 90% of the time I’m really positive. That positivity and trust fuels me and has led me to where I am in my life. But that remaining 10% is the crappy stuff that creeps into your mind sometimes.

Well, Friday was 10%’s time to shine. I kept thinking that maybe I’m just not good enough to succeed how I want to. Maybe my writing isn’t good enough. Maybe my photography isn’t good enough. Maybe I’m not interesting or unique enough. Maybe there are a million other bloggers prettier, funnier, more interesting and more talented than I am and maybe I’ll never succeed how I see myself succeeding in my heart and mind.

Matt tried his best to scoop me back up from the pits of my despair, but I was in a real funk. What made it even more frustrating was that I’m so grateful for everything I have right now and I know, logically, that a positive attitude can snap me out of feeling this way. It was one of those times when you know you’re being silly and you know how you should stop it, but you just can’t.

Phoebe Lee in Hangzhou

On the 29th April I had the most intense meditation of my life. I don’t know what it was about that day, I guess it was just ‘meant to be’, but I sat down to meditate and it was incredible. I asked questions and received answers, really specific ones. The meditation was so intense that I emailed my closest friends and told them about it, which is how I know the exact date of this awesome occurrence.

Here’s a copy and paste from the email I sent to one of my best friends. In it, I’m explaining what ‘information’ I got from my meditation: there will be a day soon when I am doubtful and confused, on that day something big will happen and I will know. It will change everything. All will be revealed. It is my job to trust and keep moving, don’t resist and don’t pause. Keep pushing.

Well, last Friday was doubt day and just as my meditation had said, something happened to confirm I’m on the right path.

I received an email from the lovely people at Air Asia asking me to join their Blogging Community. From there, they invited me to come to Bangkok a week after we return home from China. This is a huge deal for me, it means the world to me to be thought of highly enough to be invited to be part of this. It also aligns with how I see myself living and working. It’s like my heart’s vision for my life is aligning more and more with my reality.

Later that day I also received an email from another HUGE travel company, who I can’t name just yet, asking me to do some work with them. For me, these things aren’t just great opportunities career-wise, they’re recognition of every decision I’ve made and all the hard work I’ve put in to get here. It feels so good.

Free in Beijing

Since Friday lots of things have come trickling in as signposts that I’m on the right path. I’ve had a feeling all year that we’d be going to New Zealand this year and a number of companies came to me at a similar time with different pieces of the puzzle to get us there, so we were able to confirm a trip to New Zealand in early August too.

I’m not sharing these things to brag or make anyone feel uncomfortable. I’m sharing them because I want people to know that when you have doubts or you’re unsure, just take a moment to still yourself and look within for the answers. Trust your heart and your intuition for guidance. Trust your desires. Deep down, you know what’s right and what feels wrong. Don’t get distracted by anything, be razor-sharp about what it is you want from your life and just go for it.

If you don’t think it’s possible, then remember I did it. If I can do it, anyone can do it. I’m not some super-rich, highly-qualified, super-model… I’m just a regular girl who went for it and made it happen. I wear size 12 jeans, I earn a modest income and I have a life I love. That isn’t a coincidence and it isn’t luck; it’s taking control of your life and making every decision count. Make every decision a thoughtful one, with YOUR best interests at heart.

There’s no point waiting. What for? So you can do what you want with your life when you’re older? No. Do it now. Do it while you can and while you have that desire and burning in your heart to go after it. Don’t let anything or anyone stop you. Just go for it.

Those four words were my mantra last year; Just Go For It. I wrote them down everywhere and stuck them up in my house on post-it notes. They inspired me no end. This year my mantra is; Think Bigger. I tend to be so happy and excited by what’s right in front of me I forget there’s a bigger picture and that my ideas and future are only ever limited by my imagination. So this year I have been focused on seeing things from a higher perspective and thinking bigger.

What is your mantra? I’d love to hear your thoughts, so please share in the comments below or on Facebook.

Phoebe is a travel writer and photographer with a love for storytelling and making people laugh. Matt is a videographer and photographer with a passion for the great outdoors and big adventures. Together we inspire big adventures through our guides, videos, vlogs and photographs. Find out more about us here.

Little Grey Box

I'm a writer and presenter and my husband Matt is a videographer. Together, we run Little Grey Box; an award-winning travel blog and YouTube channel.

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