Here’s something I never thought I’d say, “I got trolled.” No, not ‘trollied’, I didn’t have too much to drink at a work function and I didn’t get ambushed under a bridge by a bunch of nude plastic dolls with oddly coloured hair (damn!). I got trolled, you know, where strangers write nasty things to you online.
The trolls have their own meme-face thing they worship, it’s that wrinkly potato-head looking guy with the creepy smile. According to folklore, the trolls have to give offerings to the potato-head, like Peter Andre cassette tapes and autographed photos of Paris Hilton. I know it’s weird, but it gives potato-head something to keep him busy while his minions do his bidding for him, seeing as he’s just a head and doesn’t have hands with which to write his sinister thoughts. Also, he isn’t real. Apparently, the troll national anthem goes like this: “They see me trollin’, they hatin’, patrollin’, tryna catch me trollin’ dirtyyyyy.”
So how did my public trolling come about? Well, last week something I wrote was published on the front page of some of the biggest news sites in Australia. News.com.au picked it up and it filtered down from there. For an aspiring writer, that’s pretty much the best thing that can happen to you. It’s like Easter, Christmas and your budgie’s birthday all rolled into one really great moment.
In the excitement of my story being published I never once thought I’d be trolled, it didn’t even enter my mind. The whole day I was just walking around looking like Tom Cruise, with a big goofy grin plastered across my face, feeling pretty damn pleased with myself for being published. I even high-fived some of my co-workers, it was great and also a little bit awkward.
I’m a deeply sarcastic person, which is how I wrote the story. It was a light-hearted, good old-fashioned, Australian piss-take. It made my friends laugh, and my mum said she loved it, so with those totally unbiased reviews under my belt, I knew I was onto a winner.
As soon as it went live, the trolling started. I thought I just had lots of new friends on Facebook and Twitter, but I was wrong, I had my first batch of genuine haters!
When I was younger I used to get really upset at the thought of someone, anyone, not liking me and would spend days wondering why and overanalysing it. In my mind, I’d assumed if I ever got trolled, I’d be deeply upset. Actually, quite the opposite happened and I now feel like Julie Andrews on top of that big aSS mountain in the Sound of Music.
The trolling I received was obviously low-grade, I wasn’t threatened with violence or told to harm myself, I was just called names and had a bit of shit slung my way. Sorry guys, but I’m from Logan, so petty school-yard taunts don’t even come close to upsetting me. In Logan, the things they said to me are actually used as a rather formal greeting.
Being trolled is like partaking in a therapy session with a lot of strangers, except you’re the unsuspecting therapist who has been ambushed by a client in the car park. What a troll writes to you will tell you everything about them and have absolutely no reflection on you whatsoever. The only reflection on you is how you act when you get trolled.
If you’re getting trolled, just block it out. You can delete comments and block people from your social media or website if you want. There’s no rule that you have to read what they write, so don’t. I read the first few works of literary genius they sent my way, realised they were shit and deleted them. Done.
A troll can’t force you to do anything or feel anything and, if you think about it, you’re the superstar in this situation. What I wrote had such an impact on them they sought me out to personally write back to me. What they wrote to me had such little meaning that I deleted it without reading and haven’t thought about it since.
But hold on, any Troll worth his salt would read this and say “Hey, you big blonde yeti-scrag, I did have an impact on you, you wrote this article!” Sorry, girlfriend, this article comes from my heart and is based on my humour, thoughts and opinions, none of which you influence. So why did I write this? Because it makes me happy to make people laugh and take the piss out of myself.
When the trolling happened, my initial thought was that I had nobody who could relate to me regarding this trolltastic experience. Then I remembered, some of the people I spend most of my time listening to have all experienced ‘the haters’. So, I did what any self-respecting girl would do and saw a Dr, Dr Dre that is. I also spent some time with Biggie, Tupac, Drake, Nicki Minaj and Wiz Khalifa! Those guys are great, they really ‘get’ me.
I think Lil Wayne summed it up best when he said, “Long as my bitches love me. Don’t give a damn bout no haters, long as my bitches love me.” The man’s a poet. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d checked in with my bitches, so I called them and they all confirmed they did, in fact, love me. So that really left one thing for me to do, not to give a damn bout no haters – easy.
Need some luggage? Have you seen our review of The Lojel Lumo?
Phoebe Lee is a travel writer and award-winning blogger with a love for storytelling. Phoebe creates practical, fun and engaging written content designed to inspire and energise travel-lovers and dreamers. Follow her and Matt’s adventures at home and around the world, right here on Little Grey Box and through Instagram, Facebook and YouTube.