‘Love is patient, love is kind’. I’ll tell you what, at 3am, when you’ve been on a plane for 26 hours with no sleep, no food and only a 5cm arm rest between you to keep the peace, love is ill-tempered, hostile and more fierce than Beyoncé live in concert.
Anybody who tells you they don’t fight with their partner is lying. Either that or their partner lives in the remote ranges of the Andes and doesn’t have a mobile phone signal. Even then, when they get back from their little mountain-hugging love-trek, there’s going to be hell to pay because you can guarantee that while they were gone, you had deal with some crap and you’ve had just enough time to stew on it.
I can just picture it now, your beloved will say: “Oh honey, I’m home from the Andes. I discovered 12 new species of gravel. I love you, embrace me.” To which you reply, “Get bent. Your mother has been calling me every day for the last 4 weeks. FOUR. WEEKS. The garbage disposal broke and you know I’m funny about putting my hand down there, I saw ‘Final Destination’. I know how it ends. What is that smell? Is that you? Gross.”
There’s nothing more entertaining than listening to someone impersonate their partner, we’ve all done it, mimicked the sound of their whiney voice, nagging us to pick up our clothes, take out the trash or turn the television down. The spouse is the only person who can imitate the unique little traits of their partner’s voice perfectly and accentuate them for maximum effect, like a verbal caricature. By the time they’re through relaying a story about you to a co-worker, you’re going to sound like Daffy Duck and Leah Remini had a love-child. Delightful.
Not every spat is spontaneous, we all know sometimes they’re a little bit premeditated, even if we won’t admit it. Sometimes you come home after a particularly bad day at work and while you should probably take solace in the warm, loving embrace of your partner, you can’t help but casually question why it was they needed to buy that new item of clothing so desperately but haven’t even worn it yet. Ding, ding, ding – Round One.
Before you know it, you’re arguing about everything from a beer they spilt on you at a party in ‘08’ to your unwillingness to ever accept that a bird can be an appropriate house pet (which, by the way, it cannot). A fight is rarely limited to one particular topic because once the gloves are off, it’s game on homies.
I’m not saying Matt and I fight all the time, because we don’t. But like everybody else, sometimes tensions run high and you feel like the junk you’re dealing with is unimportant and you’re undervalued and unappreciated so you jump up and down like a little kid to get the attention you deserve. While massive bust-ups aren’t common place, little ‘snaps’ at each other are and I’m pretty sure that’s okay.
Most of them time when Matt and I snap at each other we end up laughing about it, because it’s funny, it really is. When someone loses their cool and goes crazy over an incorrectly stored fresh food item, for example, and world war III erupts, it’s funny. “Seriously, Dave? Seriously? THAT is how you think broccoli is stored? What, were you raised in a cave? HUH? It’s broccoli, not a potato. Get it together, you hippy, it’s 2013.” Someone call the hospital, cos Dave just got burrrrrned.
The best thing about a relationship is when you get to the point where you both know, without needing to say it, that you weren’t really serious and despite a momentary lapse in judgement where you thought about planning their untimely demise, you really do love them. Learning to laugh about these sorts of things is liberating, it takes the strain out of feeling like you have ‘to deal’ with everything that gets said between you and it allows you to have a laugh at your own expense and gain perspective on your issues.
Don’t try and be perfect and have the perfect relationship for the benefit of your friends, family and Facebook community. Be yourself, have your own relationship with your own rules and enjoy all the little things it comprises. Just remember there’s no right or wrong, except for your spouse who is probably always wrong, but the sooner they learn that, the easier it’s going to be for everyone involved. Ding, ding, ding – Round Two.
I’d love to hear some of the funny ‘snaps’ and ‘minor disagreements’ you and your partner have weathered, comment below.
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P.s please forgive my tardy posting, despite the subject of this post, Matt and I are getting married in just over 2 weeks and I’ve been a bit tight with time. LGB will be back to its regular posting best in November