The quitter
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I’ve only ever had to resign from one job in my life and that was some six years ago. My mum typed up a letter for me which I nervously threw on my boss’ desk then skulked away and hid for five hours until he found me. So it’s safe to say that I haven’t had a lot of experience in the field of quitting and when it came time for me to give my notice at my current job, I was petrified.
My dream outcome for my resignation would have involved my boss coming out of her office and gently saying “you look like you want to resign today Phoebe and that’s not a problem, fare the well loyal employee”. Given that I am utterly petrified of my boss and am a massive chicken with a personality profile that lends me to never want to directly upset anyone ever, that’s not how it went down at all.
I had spent weeks going back and forth between friends, family and my own conscience trying to decide just how much notice to give and when to actually drop the ‘Q bomb’.
It’s like breaking up with someone really isn’t it? You don’t want to do it on or near their birthday or any other major event or holiday like Valentine’s day, New Year’s Eve or St. Patrick’s day… okay, maybe that last one is just me but nobody wants to be dumped on St Patties, trust me.
The entire week was spent with me walking around like a crazed person practicing the words in my head and running through the scenario; “We need to talk, I’m leaving London” no that’s not right it’s far too blunt, “I need to speak with you privately about a sensitive issue” no that sounds like a CIA or STD related thing, how about “I’ve been deported” maybe not so good for my reference.
I found myself on conference calls scheduling project due dates and future meetings well past my secret leaving date, nodding about a system implementation for the following year and the ongoing saga of new staff recruitment, ‘tsking’ in all the right places and making notes.
A few agonising, sleepless days later and it is show time. Naturally the tube is working perfectly and there are no delays or queues of any kind so I make it to work in record time. As I walk into the building my hands start shaking and I break into a fear-fuelled sweat, slick with dread.
I push open the office door and stride in, certain everyone can see my knees wobbling. Thankfully my boss hasn’t arrived yet and I have a few moments to steady myself at my desk and assemble some manner of calm about me. I’m trying to distract myself with normal thoughts like “why is my stapler so shiny?”… hold on, that’s not a normal thought at all!
When my boss arrives my heart rate rises, my pulse racing and my heart feel like it is about to explode out of my neck and chest. She walks into her office and I go to get up, then she’s out again and I sit down. Again she enters her office and I stand up but no, she’s out again. This cat and mouse game continues for some 15 minutes as my anxiety grows and grows.
Finally she walks back into her office and I grab my notebook and pen trailing behind her, the moment of truth has arrived. I am hoping that I don’t have to say it, maybe she will just know and I can get off the hook. As I whisper the words “can I have a minute?” I see her expression change.
Immediately her face is filled with concern and I am overrun with dread and an ice-cold river of fear runs down my spine. “What’s wrong?”, she says, “Is something the matter? Are you okay?”. “No” I reply “I have to give you my notice” and then she asks me the inevitable question… “Why?”.
It is at this pivotal moment that I am overcome with emotion both happy and sad, a huge sense of relief and what I can only imagine is sheer joy. In one of the most humiliating, hilarious and utterly ridiculous but typical moments of my life, I burst into tears and like Veruca Salt in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory I whine “because I’m not happpppyyyyy” and then proceed to blubber further.
A resignation is not the time for tears, definitely not. If you’re resigning then it’s neither the place nor the time to commence crying and blubbering to your boss because I’m sure they don’t give a rats about your personal wellbeing now that you’re leaving them.
Despite this I continue to cry in a completely undignified and unexplainable way as my boss tries to uncover the reason behind my sudden emotional implosion. “Is it Matt?” she questions and I pause momentarily, in between sobs I splutter “No…. he’s amazing” and then, overrun by further emotion and love for the man, I commence my one woman pity party again.
It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what’s wrong with me at this stage, I suppose it’s just an outpouring of pent-up emotion but it’s not winning me any friends.
I try to pull it together, smooth my hair down and launch into my rehearsed speech of reasons why I’ve resigned. We reach the end of our discussion and she asks if I would like to tell my colleagues “No”, I say, “I think you should do it”. “Okay”, she responds, and then proceeds to stand up, walk out of her office and declare loudly to the entire staff “Everybody gather round we need to talk immediately”.
NOW? You’re going to do this to me now? Not less than two minutes ago I was leaking tears all over your desk and carrying on like an absolute pork chop while you nodded sympathetically. Clearly I’m feeling a little emotionally fragile today and need a bit more time to get myself together, could we not wait a few hours or, I don’t know, maybe five minutes?
The entire office is looking at me then looking at her then back to me again waiting to hear confirmation of what’s running through their minds. My bosses announcement of my resignation is met with an appropriate amount of ‘oh no’s’ and ‘such a shame’s’. Then there is silence hung on pitying looks and one of my colleagues turns to me and asks “Why”?
It is a fair question, but of course I’m more emotional than an American Idol contestant and immediately break into tears again, pushing out the words “Because I’m not happppyyyy” in between my pathetic sobs followed by “Don’t look at me” and then retreat back to the safety of my soon-to-be ex-desk.
It is without a doubt the worst quitting in history, though it has definitely gone better than my last one seeing as my boss didn’t have to come looking for me only to find me cowering in a supply cupboard. No good can come of crying when you quit, let me tell you this. If you’re planning on quitting soon then take heed people, because nobody wants to see or be a crying quitter.
littlegreybox
49 Comments on “The quitter”
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What is littlegreybox?
littlegreybox is a meeting point of humorous perspective, food and travel experiences and my life journey. It's my outlet, a source of inspiration and a way to share and connect with people around the world.
nice writing (y)
I wish I was brave like you because I am having issues lately at work too and no matter what I do it is not getting any better.
hmmm honestly I didn’t feel brave, it took me a long long time to work up to doing it and I was pretty unhappy for a while there. If you’re having issues and you are unhappy, it could be time to think about quitting? Either way, don’t put too much pressure on yourself – just listen to yourself and be honest :)
Great story. I can relate to the feeling. Good luck on the next step in your journey.
Been there, done that. I feel better about it now. Hopefully, you will, too.
I’ve always heard that you should “enjoy your college years while you can” and you have given me another reason to do just that. I’m still a student, so I have never actually had to quit a job. The boss at my first part-time job knew that I’d be leaving for university after a couple of years. Now that I’m in college, my bosses only seem to expect one semester’s worth of work, so they are pleasantly surprised when I decide to stay on for another. Guess this is another reason to fear going into the ‘real world’, hah!
congratulations on choosing happiness. i’ve quit a few jobs before and it isn’t easy. the trick is to have another job lined up. i tried to quit one job about 5 times. every time i would resign my boss would give me a raise, promise to give me more work/life balance and then go back to working me to death. i hope that you find all that you desire.
A story I can totally relate to and it is extremely brave to do this and choose for your own hapiness.
Even though it didnt happen in a manner you would have preferred, are you happy its done at least?
Definitely! As soon as It was over I felt so happy :)
I know the feeling too! Had to quit my job 5 weeks ago now but I was absolutely dreading doing it for about 3 months leading up to it & when I wasn’t thinking about it, I was dreaming about it! When you build it up in your head like that, it’s so easy to get emotional about it.
Well done for quitting, I’m sure you feel much better about it now!
I’ve not ever had to go through the evidently harrowing scenario but this certainly fills me with me buckets of optimism. Excellent writing, managed to make a potentially rather upsetting thing into an amusing anecdote – which must surely be a way of coping with each time you have to quit a job.
I felt like you were writing a story about me. I totally break into tears over things like that- holding in the pent up nerves is a recipe for disaster. Thanks for sharing and way to go in choosing happiness over a job!
This was hilarious but rest assured, I’m not laughing at you. Kudos to you for choosing to walk about from something that wasn’t making you happy. It sounds easy but there are so many people who just hang around in situations that aren’t doing anything for them purely for the sake of comfort, stability, or something lame like that. Great post!
I couldn’t have said it better, you’re spot on! Sometimes you just have to face something hard to follow your bigger needs.
Lol, I’m so sorry but I laughed while I was reading. Not laughing AT you but because of how you explained and described your emotional turns throughout. I enjoyed it :)
Haha that’s okay! All my friends think it’s hilarious and laughed AT me for ages, it has become a running joke. Thanks for reading :)
Thank you for such a good laugh, I literally giggled my through your post as I imagined the scene play out. Hope your new job is awesome and you don’t need to resign again for a while.
haha thank you! No new job just yet, enjoying some travel and writing at the moment and then back into ‘real’ work in a few months :) Thanks for reading and so glad you liked it :D (yes… I’m an over-user of smiley’s). P.
very well said! this post is as real as it can get. makes me smile because I definitely can relate to it. had my first real laugh today. thank you for this post.
Thank you for reading :) glad to know I’m not the only one to feel like this!
ah so sorry it didn’t go as planned! Quitting is never nice but well done for taking action! I hope you have exciting things planned in the future! (And really great writing here I felt nervous for you!)
Thank you, I’m so glad my nerves came through in the way I wrote it… honestly I was petrified. Enjoying traveling and writing for now, it’s the dream, right?!
This is an excellent post! I have quit many a job (I am self-employed, but would take on odd jobs – or long-term jobs, as needed), and sucked at it every time. I once had this big speech rehearsed in order to “let the boss down easy” and as I was launching into it, he cut me off with “ok, when’s your last day?” He was not upset by the news one bit. In fact, another employee walked up and said “we never expected you to stay long.” Awkward? Yes. Always.
hahahahaha seriously?! That is definitely awkward but a fantastic story!
I managaed not to cry, but I get it completely. I spent a good 6 weeks questioning my choice, but am happy to report I am now confident I did the right thing. Best of luck in your future endeavors.
Exactly – you mull it over in your mind for WEEKS and then once you do it, it all clicks into place. Thanks Alena :)
Gold Star for Phoebe!! Quitting is HARD. Especially when you are trying to nicely explain that the place your supervisor is running makes you miserable. I had a great job with great benefits, all corporate schmorporate, and threw caution to the wind to open a breakfast/lunch cafe with a friend. I was moonlighting trying to get the cafe open and working my job at the same time, and when it came time to give notice I was such a chicken!!! I procrastinated to the last possible second and when I finally turned my letter in, my boss was on vacation.
Who cares if you cried. You did it. And you’re on your way to happy.
haha thanks Heather! W-O-W that’s amazing that you left your corporate life to follow your dream, it’s never as bad as you think it will be in the end huh. Glad to know I’m not the only chicken out there :P
Oh poor you! Maybe a bit more preparation for the inevitable ‘why’ question next time (even if you decide you want to lie about the reasons). I hope you feel better now that it is done.
Thank you – oh gosh yes… I’m travlling at the moment and loving life. I keep thinking ‘I’d be at my desk right now but instead I’m on holidays’ such a good feeling!!
That’s good! Happy travels.
it really is like breaking up with somebody. I was so terrified of handing in my notice..and when I finally did it, he looked so disappointed that I almost didnt do it. Then I remembered i’m not on a HBO original drama and just quit. quitting is hard. disappointing people is hard. at least you had the courage to do what you wanted! cheers to that I say!
Hahaha :) no, no this isn’t a show… It is my quitting, tear fueled life.
you know, i will be quitting my job soon, because i absolutely hate it. i think the main difference in my quitting style, is going to be that i’ll be doing it with a smile. hasta la vista biatches, i’m outta here! something along those lines. i don’t have friends at the office, and frankly i don’t care about hurting anyone’s feelings.
i’m sad for you that it was such a traumatic experience, but you must be so proud of yourself and happy about it! well done- on to bigger and better things :)
Hahahhahaha hasta la vista bitches hahah oh please tell me you’re going to say that to your boss!! Good luck my friend! Though it sounds like you’re going to enjoy quitting a lot more than I did :D give em hell. P
Your post resonated with me as I am giving my notice tomorrow. I was going to wait two more weeks but I just can’t take it anymore. After being passed over for a promotion and then given a piddly little raise that was more of a slap in the face than a consolation I basically have come to the conclusion that I am not valued where I work in spite of being constantly told otherwise and I just refuse to be screwed over any longer. So tomorrow is D-day and having just come back from a week’s vacation I am sure it will be a slight shock. Like you, I have known for some time that I was resigning but have kept it a secret from everyone at work. I cringe everytime my boss asks me to plan something past my expiration date knowing that I won’t be present to see it through.
I have decided to go with the direct approach and to be very matter of fact about the whole thing. Luckily I have other avenues I am pursuing so I don’t need to make any excuses. Nothing could possibly persuade me to stay yet I do feel that slight twinge of guilt you mention. I know I am leaving my department a little high and dry as one of 3 staff members who have a clue and 2 new hires – one who has been there for a month and the other for 2 weeks. I am giving 4 weeks notice which actually only ends up being two because I am owed a weeks vacation and 5 personal days that I am able to collect on. Even though I know the next several weeks will be uncomfortable I am happy to be leaving. No matter how giving my notice goes though I know it will all be okay in the end.
It sounds like you felt very similar to how I felt. I’m sending some good vibes your way! Good luck (not that you need luck in these situations) enjoy getting that powerful feeling back. Let me know how you go :)
I don’t think you are a quitter. You needed a change and, eventually, you caused it. That is moving forward, for life is a continual series of changes, of hellos and goodbyes. A commitment to a job is a two way agreement, for if you feel the job is not right for you, no matter how long youv’e been at it, then it IS right to move on. A delightful read and I applaud your bravery in telling it. Quite enjoyable!
It is incredible how well you just summed that up. I should have asked you for this very advice before I quit, I would’ve been much calmer! :) thank you. P
~ I like it that ure so real with ur emotions. Not everyone can cry with so much art and courage, I definitely applaud you for that. I guess the feeling is so rewarding and liberating! More power to you and should you resign next time, do it with flying colors. Congrats on ur new job soon! Carry on, sister! :-)
Quitting is hard. No matter what.. But I love your humor, the way you enlightened us :)
I completely agree! Thanks for reading :)
i enjoyed this story of yours, and i admit it made me laugh! Not at you, of course, but at the way you described your emotional journey towards quitting your job. i hope you find a better calling in life in the future. Good Luck!
Thank you. Looking forward to the next chapter.
You’re such an awesome storyteller. Haha! Loveit! Hmmm, I wonder what would happen to me when I grow up… Like you know, have a job. Haha!
Avoid growing up for as long as possible :) enjoy the freedom you have now! Oh gosh, I sound like an old woman haha
I will! Haha! Thanks! :)
Haha) very funny and didactic story! It could be a nice scene for a comedy movie. About 2 years ago had similar experience with my quitting. It’s really damn hard. Like breaking up. Anyway hope that FINALLY you’re happy with your new job))