Fiscal bliss
Dealing with bank accounts and my financial responsibilities is not my strong suit. If I were better with money I would probably be typing this from my gold-plated super-mac, sipping down mojito’s on a beach in Costa Rica, where I would dedicate my time to food and Dawson’s Creek re-runs. But I am not.
While some of my friends were investing, buying, capitalising and saving I was spending, loaning, wining and dining. Heck, I can barely work a calculator and say my six times tables. I’m the person standing there on my iPhone at the end-of-year sales trying to work out how much a pair of boots cost with a 30% discount.
Recently one of my friends raised the issue of fiscal responsibility and after quickly googling the meaning of the term fiscal responsibility, and discovering it has nothing to do with seafood, I started thinking more about money and relationships.
When Matt and I moved in together one and a half years ago, along with pooling all of our separate belongings into one big pile of ‘our’ stuff and squabbling over who had too much wardrobe space (I have twice as many clothes, I need twice as much space – it’s a valid argument) we also joined our bank accounts.
In divulging this information to a friend yesterday I was met with the response “You’re stupid”. Subtle. I like the way you’ve carefully worded your feelings there and given me some sound advice wrapped in the loving warmth of friendship. Naturally I don’t tend to think that I am stupid so completely disagree with her vague and indirect statement.
The simple truth of the matter is that I don’t like worrying about my budget and working out how much money I have to spend and save, it’s annoying and at times depressing. As long as there is enough money to do what I want to do, like have drinks with friends and go out for dinner, then I’m happy.
I am so bad with all things financial that until last year I had never done a tax return. Why not? Because I didn’t think it was necessary, I thought it was optional. It wasn’t until a very close friend asked me if I had lodged mine and then looked mortified when I replied “No, I don’t do tax”, that I learnt it is compulsory.
Matt loves everything to do with numbers and finance. He loves it, he eats it for breakfast! This is also why he loves playing fantasy league football, because it’s all based on statistics (yawn). I’m blessed enough to have met a man who acts as my personal stockbroker and banker, only I can trust him completely.
My man takes care of business (insert finger snap here) while I’m lounging around like a fat lizard in the sun. He manages all of our finances, saves what we need to save and makes sure that we still get to do all of the things that we want to do. It’s the dream outcome for me.
The friend who busted out the ‘stupid’ comment does not agree. It’s her firm belief that I’ve gone mad and have also gone against years of hard-fought ground work laid by the feminist movement. That, in handing over control of all things financial to a man, I’ve also handed over my woman-hood. My view is that she needs to calm down and stop over thinking it, the truth is I’m just lazy.
If I could have someone go to work for me, do my job then come home and give me the money I earned that day, all for free, I’d take it. I could be doing other very important things with my time like learning a language or establishing a network of the greatest super heroes ever known to fight crime, no wait that’s already been done. Curse you Marvel.
My point here is that it’s the same concept: why do something I’m terrible at and don’t want to do, when someone I love and trust is willing to do it for me, with both of our best interests at heart and we reap the benefits together.
The rules have completely changed when it comes to relationships and money. Not so long ago the man used to work and the woman would stay at home, he would look after all the finances and the woman was allocated an allowance or budget.
Times have changed and I know people in all different relationship/money situations. I know people who are married that have totally separate bank accounts with just one shared account between them for bills or mortgage payments. Some share everything and others share nothing.
When it comes to people in relationships working out their money situation, I am definitely not one to judge. Seeing as Matt looks after our joint account and I rarely look at it, the truth is he could very well have a wife and child in another part of the world that I’m paying for. I sincerely hope he doesn’t because it’s too late for me to learn about banking now that I’ve tasted the good life, and I’m not really a fan of open relationships.
Personally I don’t think there’s any right or wrong way to deal with money in a relationship, it all comes down to what works best for you. If you can devise a system between the two of you that means you don’t fight or argue over it but you still meet your shared goals, then you’ve succeeded in my books. Mark that one down as a victory for team love! Wow, that was lame, even for me.
littlegreybox.
17 Comments on “Fiscal bliss”
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littlegreybox is a meeting point of humorous perspective, food and travel experiences and my life journey. It's my outlet, a source of inspiration and a way to share and connect with people around the world.
I have the same set-up in my life. My fiance is just really good with money and I’m not. I think it’s smart to do what you’re good at- and be excited that your man is good at the things you’re not!
I wish I had someone else to take care of my finances for me. If I had a man willing to do that, I’d absolutely agree in a second. Also, facilitating tasks to people who are better at them is actually a very smart thing to do. It’s not stupid at all.
Team Love! Your writing is a delightful blend of humor, wisdom, and quippy personality that I definitely identify with. Mind you, I obsessively file my taxes, but I do understand what you mean by prioritizing certain purchases over purse savings. So great that the two of you have a great system going that is SMART, far from stupid. :D To each couple, their own tea. :D
Pink.
Thanks for reading Pink!! :)
Thank you for joining in on the support! Wowee! Such an honor! I’m so looking forward to learning more from you! :D
Pink.
What a great blog – I think I’ve found the female version of me! My other half is an accountant, so takes care of all financial arrangements – myriad savings accounts, share dealings, ISAs – all in my name. Please let her outlive me, otherwise I’d be like one of those desperate pirates trying to dig up the treasure with no bloody idea where it is…
What a great post. I don’t think your friend had any right to judge your financial choices – to each their own. My parents have a completely different approach to finances as my parents and I, but the way we do it works for us. As long as it works out for you and everyone is happy, then I don’t think it’s the wrong way to do it.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post! Your writing flows in a way that keeps me both intrigued and bemused. As for your situation, well, I think you’re lucky to have people around you who care enough to show you your faults. That’s my two cents.
Thanks for your comments and taking the time to read my post, I completely agree with you about being lucky to have friends who care enough to be honest. It’s always the hallmark of a true friend.
I agree with your last couple of paragraphs…if it works for you, there isn’t a problem. Only you and Matt know what works for you, and i really admire your ability to trust.
I do agree with your friend in a way though, not because of a fierce sense of protectiveness over womanhood, or because of any kind of feminist ideal, but because relationships and marriage have changed so much.
These days, they don’t tend to last long, people don’t tend to think it through or realise the seriousness of the comitment, the union, the ritual (generalising, obvs). You’re really lucky to have such a nurturing relationship. Less fortunate people (not just women, but men who leave their finances up to their partners) in a similar situatuion might find themselves later divorced and (best case scenario) clueless about managing their life/finances or (much worse) destitute after their spurrned ex took everything!
Knowledge is power, generally i think it’s better to protect yourself.
I wish that wasn’t the case though and i envy the (lucky few?) people who don’t have to fear complete trust of another!
Great post!
I also think people should not judge others how they manage their finances. Everyone should know best what works or not. Also: it´s a private matter anyway…
Cheers,
Sunelly Sims
I could never leave my finances to someone else haha. I’m a bit like Matt I suppose. I have it from my dad, he has a background in the area. He pretty much taught me all I know about managing money. And I just love calculating how much money I have free to spend. I can literally mess around with my excel sheet for hours working out scenarios of how my money will flow.
But yeah, to each their own and yeah as long as you can work it out together, go for it!
It sounds like you are definitely like Matt in this regard, it’s something he will be responsible for imparting on our children one day :) just like your Dad with you!
Personally, I hate to do finances as well, but I am too much of a control freak to allow someone else to do it really. So I am always on top of my own finances and just worked my way through three years of taxes. Believe me, I didn’t like it one bit, but it earned me a thousand Euros (Europe!) and so I guess it was worth the effort. If ou trust Matt a 100% in doing your finances, let him. Just make sure you get informed on what is going on. So when things go wrong, you do know how the situation looks.
Tell your friend that for everyone of you there’s one of me because my boyfriend and I are not married (duh… boyfriend) but I handle all the finances. He’s like you: he totally does not want to think about it. And since it’s his work that pays all the bills it sort of cracks me up when he asks me questions like, “Do you think I could order that book? It’s only $18.” He wants so little to do with finances that he asks the questions just to make sure he doesn’t upset the balance. It does take complete trust, though. And perhaps I’m a teensy bit romantic when I say that if you’re sharing a life, especially if you’re getting married, you should just jump in with both feet.
Hehe! I like to have my own account as well as the joint one!! I enjoy having my own account and managing it and also of course, I am able to keep any ‘guilty’ (where guilty = shoes and/or bags) purchases away from hubby…but I end up confessing anyway!! :)
Everyone is different. When I met my husband he had not done his taxes for 5 years and had the ATO breathing down his neck. I sorted out all his paperwork. I love numbers and budgets he hates them. I used to hate them but now I love tax time because I look forward to claiming as many deduction as I possibly can. If taxation time were to become an Olympic sport, I would take out the gold. But you are right there are so many more interesting and enjoyable things we could all be doing! Great blog – thanks!