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Sharing isn’t fun, nobody really likes to share what it is they have. Why would you? If you had the option of enjoying something entirely for yourself or only having half of it, and that something was the world’s most delicious ice cream… you wouldn’t want to share it. You might say you would, but really you wouldn’t.
Let’s use relationships as an example. Are you sharing your boyfriend or girlfriend with your friends and family? “Oh yes, Carl is a great boyfriend and an extremely attentive lover, here you have a turn” … No, I didn’t think so.
So you can imagine my upset when I move in with Matt and all of a sudden ‘my’ laptop becomes ‘our’ laptop. This wouldn’t be a problem if we each used the laptop equally, but that isn’t what happens. What happens is, I sit propped up in bed, squinting at my iPhone trying to work out just HOW much of her baby weight Beyoncé has lost. (And for the record, she looks great!).
Matt’s consistent statement is that I may have the laptop whenever I want, all I have to do is ask. But as women, something in you is programed to give your father/brother/lover (hopefully they are all different people) anything they want, and it stinks.
I want to use the laptop too! I’m trying to run a successful blog here and RSVP to a Facebook event and google image Angelina Jolie’s leg. I’m a busy woman, damnit. Besides… it is my laptop. Why should I have to ask to use something that belongs to me? “Excuse me sweetie, mind if I take my face out with me tonight?” No of course you don’t, because it’s mine. Okay, I’ll admit a laptop is slightly different from your own face, but just slightly.
The main problem here is that he isn’t using it for something I deem to be important. ‘Our’ laptop gets dominated by the fantasy league football season: before, during and after. Because after all, ‘we’ love football! If Matt isn’t playing in the fantasy league competition he is planning for it or analysing the season just gone, or maybe even all of the above.
When does ‘my’ become ‘our’ in a relationship? I can never remember his car being called ‘our’ car after the big ‘belongings merge’ of 2010. No, as I recall there were phrases like ‘don’t crash my car’ being bandied about. Gee, thanks for the tip!
What it comes down to, is that nobody really likes to share.
You may be thinking “God woman, stop being so cheap and buy another laptop”, but let’s be honest here, do you really think that if I purchase a new MacBook Pro Air or iPad that Matt is going to sit by quite happily and watch me use the shiny new toy while he uses the old brick of a laptop? Nah-uh.
So how do ‘we’ cope with ‘our’ little problem then? It seems the only fair way to get around this is with a joint custody agreement. He can have it on his days and I’ll have it on mine, and provided it is back within my custody by the agreed meet time, nobody will get hurt and I will stay adequately informed on who Ashton Kutcher is currently bedding and why Katy and Russell really split.
Do you have a joint custody agreement with your spouse over any specific items? Do you know why Katy and Russell split? How do you deal with your sharing problems? If you’ve got any tips, I would love to hear them!