Men. How do they do it? It appears to be a training program that every man attends at some point ‘How to turn every argument you have with a woman around and back onto her, thus shirking any and all responsibility’ (and honestly, the organisers could have thought of a less lengthy title for it).
In my mind I like to imagine that I am a skilful, calm and logical arguer. That when we argue, I state my point clearly and concisely, describing the key actions that created the problem and suggesting a well-thought out plan to resolve the issue.
What usually happens though, is that I make an irrational and broad statement laden with emotion then burst into tears and lock myself in the bathroom for 15 minutes. Which is exactly what every man hopes his girlfriend will do when they have a problem – clearly, I am all class.
While I am a steaming pile of emotions, clutching a tissue and fanning my face in between sobs, Matt is calm, cool and in control. He is the Muhammad Ali of relationship fights. But it isn’t just me, apparently most women fall to bits at the first sign of an argument with their beloved.
After finally cracking and confessing to my closest girl friends that I am totally hopeless when it comes to this type of thing, I learned they are too. I also learned that each of these women had also experienced that, upon entering an argument they had been certain that their man was at fault, however upon exiting the argument they had somehow become the one to blame for the lack of snuggling and romantic gestures in their relationship.
And so you see the point behind my initial statement, men must get together at some point and discuss techniques on how to do this. “Welcome brothers, tonight we will discuss how to disarm your woman mid-rage, break down her argument, destroy her reasoning and then place the blame solely back on her. We will then drink beer and review a Powerpoint presentation I have put together containing football statistics and pictures of boobs”. Yes. Yes that’s exactly how it goes.
So what is it about a man that makes you falter? Before you confront him you’ve spoken with your girlfriends and, well, they agree that he’s wrong too! You’ve been obsessing about this for days so you know you need to talk about it, but when the time finally comes and you get midway through your well-rehearsed spiel you notice the ‘is this bird for real?’ look plastered across his face.
He begins asking you pointed questions, testing your relationship value theories “So what you’re saying is, that because I didn’t hold your hand when we left the supermarket last Friday, I don’t find you physically attractive anymore”….. Yes exactly! No, wait… maybe? Argh! Not again!
At the end of the day men and women are different creatures. I’ve come to think that (most) men see things from a holistic perspective. If, on the whole, you are affectionate, loving, generally nice and put out then your man is happy. Women, however, tend to think on a more recent basis and need these little signs of affection, devotion, romance and love regularly to remind us that they do, in fact, love us more than Friday Night Football.
No matter how prepared you are for an argument, or how right you think you may be there is something that renders you completely and utterly powerless when you start baring your weaknesses to the person you love most – hence the tears. Maybe, rather than being a sign of your lack of guile, this can simply be put down to a true testament of just how much you really love someone? Or maybe us ladies need to toughen up and start our own seminars involving loads of ice cream and topless photos of Bradley Cooper – any takers?
If you would like to partake in my ice cream/Bradley Cooper workshop or have any ideas on how to maintain your cool and not lose a fight, let me know!